Just Yolanda Zondo

I am just going to get into it.  Why do we dwell on pain? Why do we focus on those that we loved but never loved us? Why dwell on disappointment? Hmmm? I spent months crying and days trying to figure out why I was never enough for one person. I questioned my worth, and wondered why no one loves me.     I gave five years of my life to loving a man selflessly. I gave him my all. I spent every single day of our five years together trying to be the best that I can be for him. I dreamed of a future with him. And the day he broke up with me, with the words ‘I am no longer happy in this relationship’, it tore me apart. I looked at myself in the mirror every day and I could not recognise myself. I no longer knew who I was and I struggled so much trying to be someone else, because who I was could not even make a single human being happy. This is what the pain of the heartbreak did to me.   The break up broke me mentally. I could not ex...

 "Three hundred and twenty four" I said. I tried to force a smile and, an "I do not care look", but there was just something about that high number that sent shivers down my spine. You also looked rather astonished and slightly confused, but maybe that was just me hoping. We were sitting at a Wimpy's restaurant, waiting for my parents to pick me up and your big brother to finish his shift at Woolies across the street. I had told you that I wanted to take you out, which you said seemed rather pushy but you could never say no to food. I saved the little pocket money my daddy gave me every day to try and get you the biggest Wimpy burger they had. You decided to get their famous big Wimpy Burger and an Apple juice, and I got just about the same, but with a chocolate milkshake. I stared at you, chewing ferociously at the burger and, I have to be honest I did not see this  bad monstrous boy    my friend Gordon said you are. Instead, I saw a hungry carefree ...

Even though he annoyed her, she remembers him all too well. When the door opens, the wind blows in with the memory of his smile. She always wonders though, why is it that even after all the bad that he did, she remembers all the good things as though they were happening right now?  All the times he bought her flowers, she wished so much she could keep them forever, more especially the first one he got for her. It was a yellow sunflower in a blue plastic bag, smelling all muddy as though it was stolen from someone’s yard. It was funny and cute, but also the beginning of something great and she felt it. She remembers lying beside him on their first day alone together, no words needed to be said; but there was this feeling of passion surrounding them, and she knew she was meant to be there. Nevertheless, she wishes that she did not remember it all too well. There is nothing sadder in life than lingering on to something that can never be again. All it creates is pain. You ...

"I am going to have my own sex tonight, but unlike you sweetie, I am not going to be stupid" said Lerato .  Sanele was now annoyed. She was trying to recite the night she broke her virginity to the crew, but Lerato  cut in with a mean comment by calling Sanele  A Stupid Naive Girl.  "Ladies! Whether or not he is a Church boy, every guy and girl must have condoms. And doesn't your guy have a car? Why the hell didn't you ask him to drive to an Engine garage and get them?" Lerato added. I could see the look on Sanele's face, she was pissed. "So what we didn't use a condom? It was just one time," said Sanele. Lerato shook her head in disapproval. You could see she wanted to say more, but she did not have the energy to get into it. "I am going to sit that side. I don't want to hear this" said Lerato. "Good!" said Sanele. We all muttered, wondering What the hell?!   But Thandi shushed us saying we should not talk lik...

First I want to send my condolences to your heart. It pleases me to know that I've broken you just as much as you broke me.  You say its been over a year and I should get over you, but why are you so concerned with me getting over you? After all you claim you've been over me for a while now, so why care? Are you feeling guilty? Sweetie you really shouldn't.  Live your life. I am just not going to put my heart through the trauma of getting into a new relationship only to have it end in a rebound.  My heart is precious and it can take as long as it wants to heal. But trust me, mentally I am over you. And its not that I cannot get another boyfriend, it's just that I don't want one yet. I mean afterall, have you seen me, yes you have and you certainly know what you lost. I was gorgeous, but now I am just trailing on another level, and it gets even better by the day. I am not waiting for a perfect guy, I mean perfect guys are just bad: Êxhibit A -> You....