Just Yolanda Zondo

While many maintain that it is an act of cowardice, I can not help but feel it was during these moments that I felt certain about what I wanted in life. I wanted it to end. This is my story. The biggest mistake I made was to plan my whole life around someone else. I was with my ex for five years and I had already planned to be with him till death do us apart. Though it now seems like I was alone in that planning. I never took the time to ask myself "Entlek, what does Sindy want?" It was always about "what does Thami* want". I never even asked him to be quite honest. We lived together so I assumed this vat n' sit was going to lead to a ring and a couple of babies. But it didn't, it only led to "I am no longer happy with you Sindy, I have not been happy with you for a very long time".  Crushed and beyond devasted I continued with life. That is what you do right? After the break-up, my canvas was blank I had no idea what I was going to...

What if you woke up today, and life wasn't worth living?  What if you woke up one day, and love didn't feel so amazing anymore?  I was told to pray, because God hears all your problems they said. "But what if God won't listen?" I asked. God loves all his children, they said. But what if God is tired of all his children, and the pain that we feel everyday is his way of punishing us?  What if he is looking down and thinking "you have been a very terrible person Yolanda, and you do not deserve my ear?" What if God is not listening?  God has not forsaken us. He forgives us everyday for our sins, they said. "But what if my sins are so great, and God won't listen? I mean tell me , what if there is even a limit of how many sins one can make in a lifetime?  And, What if accidents are really not accidents, but really God's whip?  What if, we keep looking up at the sky every night thinking 'heaven is waiting' but a...