Just Yolanda Zondo

While many maintain that it is an act of cowardice, I can not help but feel it was during these moments that I felt certain about what I wanted in life. I wanted it to end. This is my story. The biggest mistake I made was to plan my whole life around someone else. I was with my ex for five years and I had already planned to be with him till death do us apart. Though it now seems like I was alone in that planning. I never took the time to ask myself "Entlek, what does Sindy want?" It was always about "what does Thami* want". I never even asked him to be quite honest. We lived together so I assumed this vat n' sit was going to lead to a ring and a couple of babies. But it didn't, it only led to "I am no longer happy with you Sindy, I have not been happy with you for a very long time".  Crushed and beyond devasted I continued with life. That is what you do right? After the break-up, my canvas was blank I had no idea what I was going to...

I am just going to get into it.  Why do we dwell on pain? Why do we focus on those that we loved but never loved us? Why dwell on disappointment? Hmmm? I spent months crying and days trying to figure out why I was never enough for one person. I questioned my worth, and wondered why no one loves me.     I gave five years of my life to loving a man selflessly. I gave him my all. I spent every single day of our five years together trying to be the best that I can be for him. I dreamed of a future with him. And the day he broke up with me, with the words ‘I am no longer happy in this relationship’, it tore me apart. I looked at myself in the mirror every day and I could not recognise myself. I no longer knew who I was and I struggled so much trying to be someone else, because who I was could not even make a single human being happy. This is what the pain of the heartbreak did to me.   The break up broke me mentally. I could not ex...