Love yourself just a little bit more

I am just going to get into it. 

Why do we dwell on pain? Why do we focus on those that we loved but never loved us?

Why dwell on disappointment? Hmmm?

I spent months crying and days trying to figure out why I was never enough for one person. I questioned my worth, and wondered why no one loves me.    

I gave five years of my life to loving a man selflessly. I gave him my all. I spent every single day of our five years together trying to be the best that I can be for him. I dreamed of a future with him. And the day he broke up with me, with the words ‘I am no longer happy in this relationship’, it tore me apart. I looked at myself in the mirror every day and I could not recognise myself. I no longer knew who I was and I struggled so much trying to be someone else, because who I was could not even make a single human being happy.

This is what the pain of the heartbreak did to me.  

The break up broke me mentally.

I could not express myself intellectually. I suffered in my work. I could not do the simplest of things that I previously excelled at. The break up took away my confidence.

I broke spiritually.

I was so vulnerable, always stuck in my head and questioning God; that I became an easy target for evil. First my vehicle was broken into and personal stuff was taken, including my work laptop.

I broke physically.

I became my own punching bag. I punished myself because I did not know how else to make the pain I felt inside stop. I drugged myself mixing anti-depressants with vodka. I just became a shell.

But I am not there anymore.

I have chosen to love myself a little bit more.

I have forgiven myself.

I have decided that I am not the product of my pain.

I refuse to let one person break me.

I refuse to give another human being power over me.

Today I want you to get away from your pain. I want you to cut your pain loose.

Cry about it. But love yourself just a little bit more.

Find reasons why you are amazing.

I found this about myself:

I am amazing because I love selflessly.

As humans, we seem to incessantly forget that you only have power over your own decisions not other people’s decisions. Therefore, give without expecting something in return. Love with all your heart and always forgive.

I love myself because I know I am strong.

I have experienced so much in my life but I still get up every morning and say, ‘bring it on life’. I choose to forgive all the people that hurt me, because staying angry is a waste of time.

I love making people happy and that makes me happy.  

My family, friends, work colleagues. I love that I can bring joy to people just by being me. I always compliment people about their looks, the way they treat other people or themselves. I strive to make other people feel good about themselves, because you never know what a simple ‘you look beautiful’ could do to another person.

So where to now?

Well, choose to love yourself a little bit more because no one else can be you. You are special. You are amazing. You are a unique creation of God. Even if you find that there is two, three people that look a little like you, guess what, you are still special because of all that you have been through. Everything that you have been through makes you special. 

Do not be afraid.

Fear is the reason why a lot of people end up on their death beds crying about how they should’ve or could’ve. Do not be one of those people. Take a chance and love again, and forgive yourself for trusting others with your heart. You need to accept that you have no power over how other people choose to feel about you. It is not about you, it is them.

You will find peace.