Shattered Dreams

I regret to inform you that your application for the National Student Financial Aid Scheme has not been successful. Those words keep ringing in my head like that happy birthday song that could never go away. Somehow I felt as though the more I heard those words my circumstances might change however, I know only I can make that change. I’ve been on NSFAS for three years and I am grateful. They often told us that not everybody would be fortunate to receive the funding, and I guess this year I am unfortunate. I wondered so much what neighbours would say what my family would assume. I feel I have become an embarrassment. I am sorry to leave you like this I hope one day you will understand.”

It was her final year in University. As a little girl all she ever dreamed of was being at University, but lately all she spoke of was getting out. For a while I did not understand, how could someone who dreamt of nothing but a great education curse the very opportunity given? “All I have and ever had from the beginning is a dream” she would often say. And with every stumble whether it is a failed assignment, unable to find accommodation or being unable to receive your marks due to funds that you still owe, to the struggle of balancing school and a social life things did not feel belonging for her but every year she would get up and fight harder. She had come to realise that university life is difficult, but it is all worth it in the end something to always look forward to.

‘There always has to be a problem but once again I say all I have is a dream’. She could see her dream coming true. When she receives her degree her family throwing a huge party to celebrate her achievement, but the further she went in this journey the further away it seemed. Even though she was happy about getting up and trying harder, there was always something that would bring her down so hard at times crying was all she could ever do. Nevertheless, how much pain can a person endure until they reach their dreams? I say, enough to make you try harder each time.

We often do not understand when people drop out of University we make assumptions about how they had failed or if they are pregnant. However, has anyone ever considered sitting down and actually asking a person ‘so why can’t you go back to University?’ It is a simple question with so many complex responses, but often the reason is ‘I do not have the money’. Before a person had to work extremely hard to get to University be an A student, but the bar has been reduced and you can be a C student and make it to University. However, with so many people being able to reach that reduced bar and a lot of people coming from disadvantaged backgrounds I figure all you can do when applying for a NSFAS application is hope that you get picked, and what if you are one of the unfortunate people who are not lucky enough to get picked? My advice is, be like me and get a job, save up and go back next year. Yes! It is easier said than done. But if you have a dream, look for loop holes. There is always a solution.

I had a friend she worked hard and played hard. That is a phrase that we live by in university and she often joked about how if things do not go well for her this year she will get a cable and hang herself. As friends we would laugh about it, four years together we never expected that she would stoop so low and commit suicide. Yes! That is what committing or even attempting suicide is, it is stooping low and cowardice. You cannot always expect people to do things for you. When life becomes difficult be happy about it, it means you have the strength to fight it. She had dreams but because she did not trust herself enough, she let the words of nosy neighbours bring her down. She let what was written in a piece of paper determine what she should do, which is quit.

So what I couldn’t get the NSFAS, I have shed the tears and I am truly heartbroken. But I am more proud of myself for viewing this as an opportunity ‘every fall is for you to get up and try harder’. If you did not get accepted in university or you didn’t get the bursary you applied for or anything that is making you feel worthless, helpless and as though you have reached a dead end, look at it this way: You have time, you are alive and can do something about your situation. You are young and you can travel and you can study straight from Google LOL. You can read lots of books, you can teach young kids how to read and then you can try and apply again but also be ready to consider other options this time like a student loan, a part time job, other universities and institutions but in the end do not forget that it is not the dreams that are further away from you, but you are further away from your dreams and each time you try you are even closer then you think.