Moving On

All this time I thought it was me. I have felt nothing but misery because of this. I have been going around listening to the world feeling criticised and as though I am going through stagnation. However, I have realised that what people call rebounds in the instance of a woman are all the guys who wanted to screw you but couldn’t because you were so in love. But now that you are so vulnerable, they fool you into believing that it is what you need. That having a man you do not love gives you some kind of power. But women are not made to seek for power. We are beings that feel even in a situation when you are not suppose to you feel something. Whether it is guilt, anger, love or hatred for yourself you feel it. I loathe myself for only realising this now. After all the times I thought ‘Oh God, I am still hung over my ex’ or ‘Oh God, what if the guy I am saying no to is the one’.
Life is difficult, love is complex, getting over someone you loved in this life is a hassle. I have been going up and down trying to get over what I was feeling inside, the mix between love and hate. Friends would try to hook me up, I would hook myself up through social networks but it always felt wrong. I would see the guys I was set up with as a burden. Here I was trying to get over a man I thought was the one and these guys are coming with foolish stories just to have me get in the sack with them. Often I would make myself believe that it is what I also wanted. Friends would tell me that I would meet a guy who is better than my ex at something like kissing, but ‘it is not about the kiss being better, it is the feeling attached to the kiss’. I loved my ex, he loved me and that was what made everything better. Now all these guys were trying and trying to have meaningless sex with me, just to go out there and be like “ooh I tapped that”. But than what is the purpose of a rebound when moving on?

You are trying to move on and get your life on track, but all that is happening in your life is a pile of guilt and a loss of morality. Your sense of self is not boosted by the number of men you have slept with through feeling nothing for them; instead you are losing yourself by pretending to be someone you are not. When you have sex with these men the intention attached is you wanting to have the upper hand. Being what Sherry Argov calls ‘the bitch’. The dreamgirl for every man out there, she is the kind of woman who although she cares she pretends as if she doesn’t, so that attracts most man out there apparently. Same in this instance, you have sex with this random guy and you pretend as if nothing happened. In his mind he thinks you are so mature and not clingy (the very thing that makes most men run away from some women). He then chases after you, wanting to make you his ‘dreamwoman’. The chase is so refreshing and so fun (you do forget your ex), but then there comes that time when the guy is tired of chasing you, and because you so pressed for time you use the magic words “PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE”. My ex used those exact words on me almost like ten times (Including when we were dating). It felt so good when I said those words to someone else.

Nevertheless, after that incident I began missing my ex once more. I then asked my friend how many rebounds should one have until they get over their ex. She looked at me as though I was crazy and said “One I guess”

‘One? I thought!’ Well that did not work out with that guy. As I was preparing for my number two rebound, I started thinking ‘what if rebound number two turns out like number one? I cannot do this my whole life’. Eventually number two will bore me and I will be back where I started ‘missing my ex’ and I cannot keep rebounding all the time. If the purpose of a rebound is to make you forget, then why is it done through replacement? And last I checked replacement is about getting someone who is like your ex or better than them. What are the chances really? If Usher Raymond would agree to be my rebound then that is a REBOUND. But going out there and exposing yourself to diseases and infections is it worth it? Has it made you feel better about yourself? Has it made you forget your ex?

I am not demoting the idea of rebounds; it works for others and for some of us it is just another complication. That is why we require a simple method of moving on. One which enriches our souls and makes us function better in a society filled with confusion. When you break up with someone whom you felt was a part of you or your other half you feel absolutely incomplete. For a couple of days or months, all that you use to do (for example my ex and I use to go out often or I would drag him to the cinema) would feel meaningless when you do them by yourself and you tell yourself that you should ignore those things, I advice you not to. You were part of that relationship you brought a part of yourself in it. I love reading, writing going to the cinema and watching cartoons to mention a few and my ex (as I knew him) loved house music, loved decorating food and was fascinated by technology. But as a union I did not have to love the things he loves, I tolerated them so did he (but he hated spongebob, like who hates spongebob?). My point is why should it feel as though he took what I love with him, just because for a couple of months I did them with him? Before I met him I was already in love with those things.

Moving on is about concentrating on you. Focusing on developing yourself once more, it is as though you have been reborn and are asked to learn how to crawl again. I am not saying it is easy, as I am writing this I am still undergoing the same process, in fact I went to the movies a month ago by myself. It felt lonely as I was surrounded by couples and I thought to myself ‘get a room’. I was envious, and it did make me miss my ex a lot but then it sparked a memory in me. My ex slept through most of the movies that we went to see, so it was like I was alone. I got through the movie with a smile and I didn’t even miss my ex afterwards. Hardship is brought in our lives to make us remember and realise ourselves in the picture, so welcome it because in the end it will be worth it.