Loving you online

"The more we talk, the more I begin to realise we may never talk again" is what she wanted to say, but instead she said "okay, I will hear from you later". Sabrina hangs up the phone and starts walking in circles in the bedroom.

She has been waiting to feel this type of love again. She has already given up hope on finding it, but Gregor came and he said just the right things. But now, the more she learns about him, the more she feels like it is just a mistake. And under all his sweet talk, he is just like every other guy.

I watched her from a distance, thinking, this will never work. These two have never even met, touched or seen each other. What if he actually has no legs? Or hands? Or no toes? But even worse, what if he can't tolerate her walking "barefoot" fetish? Even I cannot stand it. I mean sometimes Sabrina has a way of annoying you. She also talks too much. A complete know it all. Hmm. I chuckle, remembering how it was like when I met her.

Then as I get pulled back to Earth, I notice that she has her hands over her face and her body folded in a fetal position. She seems disappointed. She tells me that she had suggested that they meet, but now Sabrina has second thoughts and, she told Gregor about her feelings, but he did not take it well. "I do not think he likes me anymore". Out of fear of saying something wrong, I just kept quiet and I left her do all the talking.

"I like him. No I love him. Actually I do not know. What I know is... I have never felt like this about a guy. I mean, God! How can you bring a man into my life when I am not expecting it? I mean I am ready, but... Is that how it works. You will not give me something instantly, but will wait months and review my application" said Sabrina, talking to God.

I want to laugh as I begin to imagine God reviewing prayers. But than Sabrina continues and says:

"He really makes me smile. I have never met anyone so much like me that I actually liked more than I like myself... No, wait, that's not right."

She begins to quiet down... reviewing her statement. This is madness, I start to think. I wish they could meet and he can disappoint her, so she can stop being like this. Years of heartbreak and disappointment have turned her into this obsessive love chick. She said that she wouldn't let her past determine her future, and that is all fine and dandy, but this, she is obsessed with someone she has only known for five days.

Gregor and Sabrina have never met, so how can she feel so strongly about him. Could it be possible? I mean, Gregor was able to say all those things about her because of her profile on that online dating site. And I know she is all for honesty, but what are the chances that everyone on those sites tells the truth.

Sabrina had gone online to find what she referred to as the right man for her. "I love a guy who smells good" she once said. My question after Gregor came into her life was, what if Gregor doesn't smell good? <Sigh> She pushed herself even further to the wall, looked at Gregor's picture, closed her eyes and whiffed something in the air. This is madness I thought.

"I think he smells good. He looks like the type. Oh God! His lips even. I can already imagine them all over me. Kissing every part of me... God I want him" said Sabrina. I do not know if it is right for someone to feel like this about someone who could possibly be a serial killer. I do not tell her, but I am sure she once thought of it.

"If he is a serial killer. I would want to die in his arms. It wont change how I feel about him" she would probably say.

But then she says "If I ever get a chance to meet him. I want to feel the way he makes me feel when I think about him. The things he says. The way we have so much in common. It is no doubt that I like him and I want him my life. For once God has brought someone in my life that I can talk to and not feel ashamed... And I am sure there is so much he won't be able to tolerate about me, but that's even more exciting"

She then gets up from the floor and throws her phone on the bed. "I am also afraid though. What if we meet and he doesn't like me? I do not know if I can handle being rejected by him. I can't meet him" she wails.

Sabrina and Gregor were now meant to meet up the next day, but she sent him a message telling him that she can't anymore. And I do not blame her, what if this Gregor is just amazing online? What if he actually has a girlfriend and he is just looking for someone to screw? But than again, what if he really is amazing? What if he feels just as Sabrina feels about him? I do not know if I will be able to forgive myself for letting her throw this away without trying.

Sabrina, wait! I say to her. I see tears beginning to fill up in her eyes.  She must be really devastated. "What? I am fine"she says. I then say to her. What if you and Gregor get to know each other as friends first? What if you just let life bring you guys together?There is no rush, is there?

I see hope as she goes back to the room and asks "Should I call him?"

I shake my head as I begin to wonder if Gregor knows how much Sabrina has it in for him. It can't just be the physical. Either he has studied her, and he knows exactly what words to say or maybe it is possible to love somebody online. We cannot really measure love right? It is the way people make us feel about ourselves and about life. I am inspired by my friend who only continues to look for love in a dangerous place.I do hope Gregor feels just as strongly about her.

Loving you online... Logs off!