I am not my hair

His status read “Fake tan, fake boobs, fake nails, and fake hair. Please tell me again how you want a real man” (Sinyorito Peacock Fantastic, Facebook: 2012). Statuses such as these have been booming on social networks with men questioning the realness of a woman, specifically black women.  Since when has getting a weave that is affordable become a reason to not finding Mr Right? Two years ago, these same men were the ones giving their girlfriends R500 to get a weave and their nails done so they could look presentable as their girlfriend to friends and the public. But now suddenly because the R500 has become R1500, they need to cut their hair to fit your lifestyle or ease your pocket? Being real or fake is not determined by your skin colour, your hair or where you get it from. The realness that you seek is contained therein.

I got my first weave at the age of 18, and when I got it guys wanted my numbers and men were asking me out as though they did not have women already. However, I was not at all amused. These are the very same guys who would pass me by like a street light and not even wonder what my name is when I had my natural hair. But now because I got Indian hair you want to talk to me? No baba! Ah-ah! Every woman out there is looking for a man who will accept her for who she is ‘Flaws and all’. Hair, no hair or Brazilian hair; my hair does not make me. Hair might get you noticed but it won’t seal a deal or make your man stay. Eventually a man will tire of seeing you bald, weaved or afro. He will sit by your side and start fantasising about that girl in the Usher video with the weave, the lashes, the 8 inch heels, the fake boobs or even worse when he is hanging out with his friends he begins to wish you were Nicki Minaj.

Women like steady and men enjoy being with a woman who is not predictable. They want to be surprised. Ladies, are you afraid you might not find Mr Right because, apparently, Mr Right is looking for girls with afros, uncut nails and girls who eat leaves? Honey girl stop wasting your time worrying, all you need to do is take care of yourself. Feel good so you can look good. Lastly, never change who you are, for anybody. If he does not accept you with your baggage; that includes your flaws, your makeup bag as well as that weave that cost you eight grand, then he is not worth it. 

Frankly, we live in a time where media inculcates everything that you believe is real. In fact, it has reached a point where we don’t even know what real is anymore. Have we grown to be a generation that relies on the tangible things to weigh how real someone is? I do not see anyone taking an interest in the number of people who genuinely help others or people who find out what drives another without taking notice of the colour of their skin or how much their weaves cost. This age is grooming a generation of men who do not wonder about their faults, but rather list the things women should do or change to pleasure them. Men then take this to heart and overanalyse the reasons why women do what they do. It is simple really, women use makeup to feel comfortable in their own skin so they can be comfortable when talking to you. It has nothing to do with being real or fake. We are all human and we all get nervous and have certain things that make us confident enough to walk on that stage or talk to that guy you like. 

Men! If you are not looking for a woman with a weave then do not go for one with a weave and spend most of your time together trying to convince her to show you her natural hair; that is what baby pictures are for, and surely you will now understand why she has a weave. I say get to know a woman. We have mentioned so many times how words like ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ diminish a woman. Today we have crossed yet another boundary and if you meet a woman and tell her how much you are bothered by weaves and artificial nails, you are basically telling her that you are looking for containment, not what is contained inside. So while you are going around looking for what you refer to as a ‘real woman’ you are missing out on A WOMAN.