The Ring

I was going through my boxes today, preparing to move out and head back home for the festive season. I stumbled through something that brought back so many memories.

 The one ring I believed was meant for me, the one ring that made me feel so loved and the one ring that ruined my entire view of life and that of love.

I remember the very first time I laid my eyes on that ring. It was three days before our first year anniversary, and moments after I had just given him a ring as a symbol to promise that I will be forever faithful, committed, supportive and loving towards him. He put the ring on the corner of the bed a spot he was certain I would see it, as I would sit at the corner of the bed every time when applied lotion on my body.

 When I saw it there, I had never felt such excitement. My heart was filled with joy and part of me was wishing it was an engagement ring. I first put the ring on my ring finger, I got excited because it was such a perfect fit; I giggled and then quickly transferred it to the right side as it was a promise ring.

 Embarrassed at the thought of marriage at the age of 21, I got myself together and went to him to explain just how this ring has made me feel. When I received that ring it meant something, felt like a beginning of something great.

However, it was the very same ring that hardly stayed on my finger. I felt as though I expected so much of him after the ring. I spent so much time living up to the promises I made to him, showing him just how much I love him and I never expected anything more than just a reaction from him.
But it seemed as though the more I showed feelings of affection, I was asking him to love me less.

What was I to do? This man I prayed for, the one whom I stood in front of my dear family and proclaimed my love for. The same man who promised to love me through anything when we met was now telling me of how he doesn’t know if he loves me. I was hurt the night he said those words to me and, things never felt the same afterwards. Even with the ring on my finger and the promise of marriage I was so afraid. How was I to live through my days knowing that the man I love so much has doubts about me?

As days went by, I shocked myself by how I still loved this man through all the pain he caused me, the accusations, all those acts of insecurity and possible cheating's. Nevertheless, I tried to fight and get him to love me again. I visited him pleading to spend time with me, wanting to just be held, but all that led to more pain and him pushing me even further away. I was now on the brink of being completely unloved.


One night I woke up and laid there beside him, my heart was so sad and being there with him felt so wrong. I felt tears streaming down my eyes and wondered where all the happy moments had gone to, all the days of promised love, all the energy I put into showing this man how committed I am to him and all I got in return were “I am tired” or “I am not in the mood” or “not today Yolanda”.

Even in my most terrible moments, whenever he called I was there. I cleaned for him, cooked and did his laundry, and I expected nothing but the love I once had and was promised to always be there from the beginning. But how fast things can end.

I have heard cliché phrases my whole life the ‘love is blind’ or ‘love is a fool’s game’. I have even witnessed the hurt and pain my sisters endured because of love. I promised myself that I would never let such happen to me, but age can really fool you.

No matter how you love some men, most of them will just be so ungrateful. Further to that, they will mention how complicated you are and they will say the most hurtful things to make you feel pathetic and it works.

The pain of those words hurt so bad that they can drive you to insanity. But blessed by God, we are women and time does heal us. I loved my ex and part of me still does love him and I wonder why. I question myself each day why I cannot just hate him and now I know, I am not meant to hate him. I loved him, he opened my eyes and made me aware of what I should never go for, and for that I thank him.

So in this ring is embedded a memory, a time I will never forget and a belief that someday I will find a better man...