This battle of HAIR is real I tell you

-



I had just cut my hair a couple of months back, and now three months later I am wearing a weave. I couldn't take feeling invisible and staring at my hair every single morning to see a difference. I was tired of this. I needed a weave. But even after I got it done, I still felt complete disgust for myself. 

My decision to stop feeling disgust for myself, actually began on the Gautrain on my way to Sandton. 

I was sitting there by myself, trying desperately hard to ignore whispers from the Venda guys on the next seat, who were debating about my hair. "Is it hers? " said one of them, another said "no look, it is a weave". I shook my head, thinking don't they have anything else to talk about, like soccer? They then continued to mutter in Venda and laughing. I shook my head again and thought it doesn't matter what they are saying, I am going to wear this weave with pride. 

Eventually one of them asked "Is it your real hair?"I looked at him and said "It is a Brazilian weave that I bought, so it is mine". I am not sure if my response was harsh, but he just turned around and they just stopped talking. 

This happens a lot to black women, and it is difficult to undergo such scrutiny. This is real a battle, I tell you. Such observation annoys me to the core. Someday's I wake up and I am okay with having a weave, then other days I wake up feeling hatred for myself because someone made me feel fake about getting a weave. Then I go through a depressive stage where I feel like I need natural hair to feel real. How did 21 year old me get through this? I remember when I was 21 I wrote a piece titled I am not my hair. In this piece, I was trying desperately to convince our African brothers that when you approach us do not judge us by how we look or what hair we have. I mean, how does having a weave equal to being fake? I have met sisters with natural hair, that are as fake as fake can be. And of course vice versa, girls with weaves who are also fake. But there are also real people on each side.

This little notion actually put me in a situation whereby I would see a girl with natural hair, and I would compliment her but then in my head I would have these wicked thoughts about how she is little Miss Perfect. I had begun to hate another sister, who only preferred to grow her hair naturally. Then this hatred quickly became me wanting to be one of the little Miss Perfects.  
One morning, I called my hairstylists and said I am shaving it all off to start all over again. My hairstylist of course, supported me. But then, within a month I would look at myself in the mirror, and I did not feel perfect at all. I had natural hair, but hated it. I did not even feel the need to make an effort. Then it just got worse. I then met men, the very same men who ignored me when I had a weave, they were now all over me, and now the ones who gave me attention when I had a weave were ignoring me. I literally laughed at myself. 

I... allowed a mans view of what I should be, define me. Even worse, I let it make me feel like I am in competition with other women. This needs to stop! 

You know growing up, I always believed that women are indeed complicated. But the older I get, the more clearer it becomes that Men are the complicated species... African men to be specific! (Since I have never dated outside my continent).

  I mean for us ladies, we do not beat around the bush.  If we are attracted to yellow bones, we stick to yellow bones, if we like some dark chocolate brothers (like myself) we stick to those. But a man? A man would meet a nice weaved girl and then spend time wondering and asking her "why don't you grow your hair naturally?" If you are paying for her hair, you are forgiven. But if not, well why don't you go ask a natural haired girl out and leave weaved girls to men that do not mind. 

Men who do not know what they want, are the reason some of our sisters can never be happy with themselves. You find girls who are not happy with being dark skinned, or girls who are not happy with being curved or skinny. It is not fair.

My African brothers, you say you do not want a woman who will try and change you? Well, we also do not want a man who will make us feel like we are not good enough the way we are. If we feel there is a need for change or adjustment, rather support us, do not try to turn us into your little dolls. 

I still stand by what I said when I was 21, STOP LOOKING AT THE CONTAINER, LOOK AT WHAT IS CONTAINED INSIDE. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear God, Please help my black people

-
Image
I have chosen to lift myself out of this pain and shame of this world. The ancient pain and shame that has taught me that being black is ugly, bad and wrong. I have chosen to look at myself in the mirror and appreciate and love my blackness. By doing so, I have also tried to help others to appreciate their own blackness. However, I have realized I cannot change every black person by myself therefore, I am asking for your help. God, my black people are very angry, and this anger which comes from many years of pain by this world; has led us to view each other as enemies.  We kill each other, steal from each other; and the one that I detest the most, we envy each other. I cannot seem to understand why as black people, we can never be happy for each other. It seems to be easy for us to condone corruptness and taking the easy route. But in all this, we can never stand side by side and honestly help each other. We will watch from afar as another race takes charge and helps our own b
Read more

How to dress for a Job Interview

-
Image
Perhaps you have read many articles, and listened to the advice by your family, friends and maybe even a recruiter... But somehow you do not feel satisfied and you want that one post, that one advice that will just tell you the truth. I say, "Put comfort above everything else". Forget comments about "Being absolutely formal" or "wearing a suit, heels, a skirt, a pink shirt," or "dress as if you are going to church" advice. No! No! No! I understand the lengths one should go when looking for  job, but the one thing you shouldn't be worried about when heading in for an interview, is how you look. It is a fact that how you look does count when you go in for an interview. That is why when some people dress inappropriately, they end up not getting the job. So, rather put yourself in the interviewers shoes and ask yourself, if I were offering a job for ABC company, servicing or selling ABC products, how would I want the person I am going to i
Read more

Loving you online

-
Image
"The more we talk, the more I begin to realise we may never talk again" is what she wanted to say, but instead she said "okay, I will hear from you later". Sabrina hangs up the phone and starts walking in circles in the bedroom. She has been waiting to feel this type of love again. She has already given up hope on finding it, but Gregor came and he said just the right things. But now, the more she learns about him, the more she feels like it is just a mistake. And under all his sweet talk, he is just like every other guy. I watched her from a distance, thinking, this will never work. These two have never even met, touched or seen each other. What if he actually has no legs? Or hands? Or no toes? But even worse, what if he can't tolerate her walking "barefoot" fetish? Even I cannot stand it. I mean sometimes Sabrina has a way of annoying you. She also talks too much. A complete know it all. Hmm. I chuckle, remembering how it was like when I met
Read more